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a l i z a r i n R E D the red light district |
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Wednesday, 16 January 2008 I read somewhere that most illnesses are caused by mental processes of the person rather than immediate physiological causes. I've always thought this true; I mean, I think some members of my family alone are prime examples of psychosomatic illnesses--there are a lot of neurotic, high blood people in my family. Gawd.I'm not saying I'm one of them but I think that recent strains in my life are manifesting in my physical health. I've been having a hard time breathing lately--my respiratory allergies are acting up. As in I can't seem to release all these toxins in my body and I think it reflects the state my mind is in right now. I'm just blocked. As in I'm not doing it consciously but I've somehow managed to curb all feeling whatsoever. Denying the fact that I am (I guess) sad..? See? I can't even say it with feeling. I just don't feel sad at all. I am just numb. Literally feeling nothing. I thought I'd be devastated but I'm not. The most I'm feeling is anger--but not even the full-blown kind. I just feel I was deprived of an explanation or whatever it is I feel that wasn't given to me but that's just about it. I know I must be feeling something beneath the numbness but I can't seem to let it out. I haven't even cried yet. I did the night before it ended but after...nothing. I don't think this is healthy. And I've been putting off getting better too. As in lahat ng bawal, that's what I do and take in. And I'm suddenly addicted to sleep again. I haven't done my morning pages in two days--and it's an exercise that's supposed to let all these negative thoughts out but I've been neglecting it. I've been bottling things up. Argh. This is really stupid. Whatever. I'll figure it out eventually.
posted by Anonymous @ 14:50 0 Comments:
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